I'm very much wanting to read this hilarious thing to Matt but I can tell he doesn't want me to, so I haven't asked...What I would really like to do is say, "Honey, I know that you know I want to read this to you, but you're deliberately being shifty-eyed about it so you won't have to listen. Why don't you just say you don't want to listen?" And why have I not asked, even when I know he's going to say no? Because I really, really want to read it and I don't want him to say no...
How do people actually deal with these situations? And why do they happen at all? We've been married over a year; you'd think by now I would be able to say what I think without worrying that he'll judge me somehow.
Curse stupid insecurities! Curse you I say!!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
The more things change the more they stay the same
Read this awesome article earlier and it made me feel inspired. So far I've been using this blog, (when I rarely use it,) as a kind of outside journal to others and I've decided to stop that. I'm cool if people want to read and comment but I think it's about freaking time I started writing for myself, even if that means writing to myself.
So even though I'm told talking to yourself is "bad" I'ma laugh at that and remind those people that I'm already a mental hospital survivor and talking to myself is just like having a twin, only they're in my mind. Ha! Take that society!!
Alright, seriously now, there are plenty of times I would like someone to talk to but I don't have anyone for reasons that vary, so this blog is now being dedicated to when I need to talk and no one is around, and then later, in the future, I'll come back and read it and it'll be like having a conversation with someone who thinks just like me!
Doesn't make sense you say? Doesn't have to; it's addressed to future me, not you! :P
I've also realized that I was thinking something along the lines of, "can't post more than once a day," or something strange like that...that idea is being tossed now too. I can talk when I want to talk! No more oppression of speech by my brain!!
And hopefully...no more dancing around subjects that I'm usually not forthcoming with; if this is my journal then Kayla, you'd better be willing to tell yourself the truth! And I'm not ashamed of what I have to say so Nyah! Nyah!
So even though I'm told talking to yourself is "bad" I'ma laugh at that and remind those people that I'm already a mental hospital survivor and talking to myself is just like having a twin, only they're in my mind. Ha! Take that society!!
Alright, seriously now, there are plenty of times I would like someone to talk to but I don't have anyone for reasons that vary, so this blog is now being dedicated to when I need to talk and no one is around, and then later, in the future, I'll come back and read it and it'll be like having a conversation with someone who thinks just like me!
Doesn't make sense you say? Doesn't have to; it's addressed to future me, not you! :P
I've also realized that I was thinking something along the lines of, "can't post more than once a day," or something strange like that...that idea is being tossed now too. I can talk when I want to talk! No more oppression of speech by my brain!!
And hopefully...no more dancing around subjects that I'm usually not forthcoming with; if this is my journal then Kayla, you'd better be willing to tell yourself the truth! And I'm not ashamed of what I have to say so Nyah! Nyah!
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